My Animateness Continues

When PawPaw use to say "When you find something worth having, keep it before it's too late or someone else will get it." I always thought he was talking about a car or dress, materialistic, but now I get it...he was not talking materialistic. We are all here a aphoristic amount of time. We should all try to find that partner, rather friend or other, to share the good times with and to cry to when there are bad times. Being ethological beings we have all sorts of emotions. Happy, Sad, Angry, Depressed, Overjoyed, Lonely and many more. If we suppress any of those emotions we kill ourselves. No one should be afraid to express any feelings or thoughts. Not only is it unhealthy but it's suicide. If we bottle up every feeling we've ever had we may just erupt one day and no one will know why. Never be afraid of the words in your thoughts. They may save your life. Some of the things we feel may hurt others feelings, they may make someone happy, they may even cause world peace or world destruction. But you will never know if you keep yourself within yourself. Let yourself be yourself. Don't let anyone intimidate you into doing something you're not willing for. Live YOUR life the way YOU want to. Say what you feel, Be who you are, Love who you Love. The rest is for the birds.

Buenos Noches my little chicken stalkers. Till I feed you again.

Influence Yourself, Obliterate Your Previous

It's amazing how some feel when they get a huge blast from the past. Then they start to question all of their past. Then they feel all of and any of the pain that had ever felt in their lifetime up to that point. A chain reaction. from one pain straight to the next. You try to put life on pause but it just won't stop. Then skip a minute and try to pretend to those on the outside that you've never been lied to, never been hurt, that you've never felt the sting of disappointment. A lot of people out there walk around with these artificial smiles pasted right below there nose's. However those on the outside can't hear the agonizing depths of tortured screams, and the ticking time bombs waiting to detonate. And all of that was just a chain reaction from that one buried, tormented memory that had suddenly resurfaced itself and planted a little seed in our heads to blossom into a plant of grief and destruction. No matter what shows up, no matter what nightmares we have, we should always remember that we control what happens from that point on. No matter how badly we think we have it at that seemingly never ending time, we should always prevail and know that we ourselves can make it better. Life doesn't have to suck. We can all enjoy it, individually or together. No one can tell you how to live it, people may have suggestions or opinions. When it comes down to it, You are the one who grips the supremacy of your life. So direct it into the path you want, to your forever happiness.

Buenos Noches my little chicken Stalkers....I'll feed y'all another day.

Irrecoverable

I've taken quite a disjunction in my blogging. Of late I've been sort of diverted as I keep going off into my own world, like "zoning out" or "swooned." Nothing has been able to pull me back, or inspire me. My mind goes back and forth like the waves of an abashing ocean. I need an anchor. Someone or something to keep me planted in a life of reality and responsibility, yet I feel like my planting has been reaped and I'm floating aimlessly in the air in prayers that I don't unearth a gust of wind. If someone were to sit with me over 5 minutes at a time you can visually see the blank and emptiness in my eyes as my face loses character and expression as if at an abandoned hotel where the lights remain on, however there is no one there. I can't conclude what it is that keeps bringing me into this world of non-existent, but I desperately need to find a way to make it stop.  I don't as myself nor do I feel adequate. Someone pull into this world and lock me up with your chains to keep me here.


Till next time my lil' stalkers I will feed you chickens later. Buenos Noches 

There's a thousand YOU's...but there's only ONE ME.

Why does it baffle so many people that I can stay SO single? Nearly every man I meet wants to take me out or further a relationship with me, but I;m just not interested. Why's that? Why does my PawPaw ask me all the time consistently, constantly why I don't date and says I will never get married and am destined to be alone the rest of my life. Why is it so easy for me to conversate with a good looking man yet have no interest in wanting to get to know him more?
Here's my reason: They're all the same. 1st date we'll go out for dinner & a movie, you won't get anything more than a hug and smile and a genuine "Thank you" afterwards. Then we might go on a2nd date and you will tell me how baffled you are of my smile and how "cool" and "down to earth" I am. We'll kiss at the end of our 2nd date. Then for our 3rd date you'll invite me to come over and "watch a movie" while tempting to make moves on me and try to get me to stay over. You won't succeed in getting me in your bed, then I'll leave and 3 days later you'll text me asking me something like "how are you doing?" and I'll reply with good, then you won't have anything else in the holster to text so that will be the end of our conversation. The next time we talk will be because we bumped into one another at a bar or a grocery store, we'll do the awkward "hey how ya been? Oh good good, just blah blah blah,,,well it was nice seeing you." Two days later you'll text me asking me out and I'll be "busy."
The reason I stay single is because there are a thousand YOU's....but there is only ONE ME. 
I don't want to date the same guy every time, and they indeed ARE all the same...I want to date a man that is un-like any other. Doesn't beat to the same drum, Doesn't play by everyone else's rules && wants to respect me and make me smile because he WANTS to...not because he wants to get in Victoria Secrets playhouse. I stay single because I don't want to be settled for, When guys want a hook-up they'll go to a girl that settles, but when a Man wants a wife to settle down with, he'll come to me.

Buenos Noches my lil' Stalkers. I'll feed you chickens later.

Old Friends, 8-Tracks & Hero's

Tonight, I spoke to an old friend of mine, the only person that has ever made me pray the hardest in my life. I'm glad to hear from him and happy to know he's doing alright.

Tonight, even though I'm sick as a dog, I'm going to paint, maybe sketch and write. I feel uplifted. Hopefully there is change coming forth. I have all these great ideas that I can't seem to put on paper. If only I could have a machine that would do it for me. Guess technology isn't that advanced yet.

With Halloween here and all the candy, sweets and sugar being passed out I'm jealous that I have no "sugar" of my own. One day soon enough I'll find that piece of candy that deserves to melt in my mouth and not in my hands as I melt his heart and not his dreams. Chivalry has died along with virginity, stove top popcorn and 8-tracks. This princess will not settle for anything less than a hero.


Buenos Noches my lil chickens. I'll feed ya again later.  =)

Drunk on NyQuil

I think I'm getting sick with this weather change. BUMMER. On a lighter note, I had a better Halloween than I did last year, my band is progressing, and we've decided to start documenting our progress as we go. I thought that was a great idea from Tim, our guitarist, that way in the future we have something to look back on. LAtely I haven't really felt like doing anything or seeing anyone. Everyone always wants to hang out the same time as everyone else, so then you feel torn between them and personally I can't choose so I'd rather stay home and paint my toes. hahaha... A congratulations is due for my older sister, Courtney, who is pregnant with her 2nd child. Her & I don't talk at all but I'm still happy for her and her husband. PawPaw won't leave me alone about dating....lol...I'm just not interested. I don't feel like having my time wasted and I know there's a VERY low possibility the "Right" guy is in the Golden Triangle. No offense, but the Golden Triangle is full of "Man-Boys" who think that playing the game is better than winning the prize. I'm not interested, nor will I ever be. I'm young and have plenty of time for that. Just living in the moment for now. Enjoying each day as it comes. Till I feed the chickens next time.  Buenos Noches, I'm going to go suck down some NyQuil.

World Peace?? A Possibility??

Ever feel like when you take two steps forward you end up getting knocked 6 back? Sometimes I feel like "Wow everything is perfect and going in the right direction, how lucky am I to have all this "Good" stuff happen to me all at once or at least back to back." Then BAM a sideways slam like someone just side-swiped you in a car accident. You start doing so wonderfully that others are just so mad about it. Either because they're in their "knocked back" stage or they're just so jealous that they don't want you to be in such a good mood. Ironic how whenever you're doing well for yourself that others wish "Dang, why can't that happen to me?" So thats when they decide that its not fair so they are going to try to bring you down, or sometimes they decide well I'm going to take advantage of your well being. What a shame that no matter what predicament people are in they can't get happy for others that are doing well. It's not hard to do so. Some wonder "why not me" when they should be thinking "that is going to be me, when I drop my drugs, my gossip, my self pittiness, when I straighten out my priorites, and strive to do better for myself." Come on people, we all talk about how we wish this world were a better place, it can be. It's going to start with a chain reaction. Just like how doing one good deed for someone could inspire someone else to do so for another. Ever seen Pay It Forward? Crazy how such a movie is actually the basic plan for world peace. I'm not striving for world peace, but is it completely crazy to think it were possible? Negative thoughts, and self sorrow, fake forgiveness', and turning your back on your neighbors is what is really stopping us from doing so. Love everyone, help as much as you can, because even if that person you love or help turns out to be a P.O.S...at least you know you did what you could. The motivation starts in your head, you can't force anyone to do the same but you can only show them that in helping others helps us all. Life is short to be wasted on hate, negativity, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and self pittiness. Let's live this life and make everyday better than the last all because making others happy in turn makes us happy.