I'm a Captain on a Calloused Voyage

I haven't blogged in late, mostly because that burst of motivation has started to disperse. I feel like I wanted to sail the ocean and be the captain of my own adventure but my deck hands have abandoned ship. Now I'm off in this world of no return when I'm needing a steady hand to reach through the realm in which I have been consumed to pull me out and snap me back into reality. I cannot slow the hands of time as I beg for mercy in the dilatation of peace. I strive to be everyone's sanction, yet I need my own bolster for my needs and cannot find the right outlet. My plate has become so full that I'm no longer starving for what I was hungry for. If only I could obliterate these past few months and start a fresh clean slate, would that make me feel release? If I had never attempted the agonizing torture of self accomplishment would I be more subdued? Is the possibility of proficiency enough to keep me moving on no matter the end result? I must questions myself in my own actions more now than so, in hopes to keep the slew of sanity I have left. I feel as I've too far in to turn back, but I need someone else to be my feet. Have mercy on me in upcoming decisions and collar my imminent judgments.


Buenos Noches my lil Chicken stalkers,
Till I feed you again. 

I Like Who I Had To Be To Become Who I Am

Hey guess what?!?! I USE to be an Exotic Dancer, a Stripper, a StripTeaser, whatever you want to call it. Am I ashamed? Am I embarrassed? The answer is NO. I for one don't get paid to judge anyone so I don't. I'm honest and I will tell anyone anything they ask and answer it as sincerely as I can. What I've done in my past stays in my past. What I've done up until this point has made me into the person I am today. Want my candid opinion on myself? I like Me. I love Me. Truthfully I wish there were more people like me today. I'm a hard worker, independent, goal oriented, a "go getter", always striving to better myself and my life, I'm the best friend anyone could possibly have in their life. I'm warm hearted as well as big hearted. I'm conceited and cocky, but I always put others before myself. I'm appreciative, giving, respectful, well mannered, and I know when to party even though at times I get out of control. Truth is we all have our past. We all did things we're not proud of, no matter how big or small those things were. I don't let my past affect me, and I don't think differently about anyone no matter what had happened in their past. Like I said, I like who I am and who I've become. If someone can't get pass my prior, my previous, my come and gone, my extinct, my did and done, then they shouldn't have to worry about seeing me in my close at hand, forthcoming, from now on, down the road, or in other words my future. Anyone in my life will tell anyone new in my life that they wouldn't trade me for all the presents in the world, all the dollar signs in the world, all the friends in the world, or for all the riches in the world, because when I'm here or there I make an impact and I'm worth having.

Buenos Noches my little Stalkers, I'll feed you chickens another day.  =)

Manless in a ''Man's World''

In a world where men outnumber women in most cities how are so many women single? Frankly, I don't care why. I choose to be single because my man is too busy right now to come sweep me off my feet. my man is touring around the world experiencing the first part of his life before he spends the rest of his life experiencing it with me. He is getting everything he can out of his system before he comes home to me. Why is that and why am I OK with that? Because my man is a cowboy, a lot of people say good guys finish last, but the truth is that cowboys finish last because they put their women first. Any good woman that has a good cowboy man that puts her first wont look like she's taking advantage of his kindness neither. Because a cowboy's woman puts her cowboy first as well. I don't know my cowboy's name, where he is or when he is coming to lasso me up, but by God he's coming one day and Ill be waiting. Boots and all, to hop up on the front side of that saddle as he holds his arms tightly around me griping those reigns. Till then I don't mind being single and alone, because in the end it will be worth it. I want my man to know that not every swingin' johnny got in good with his gal. I'm a keeper..and so is my future man, and he'll know that and appreciate that.

till next time my Lil chickens,I'll feed you another day.
buenos noches

when you have been someplace that was just appalling, rather it be a physical, tangible place or just a mental state of mind...you tell yourself ''i don't ever want to go back.'' anytime you see yourself maybe walking backwards into the same godawful place you swore you would you never go back because of all the grief it caused you rather it be heartache or just a straight breakdown, you need to go back and recall why you never wanted to go back in the first place. if by any chance there is no way to abstain from pressing rewind and watching yourself walk backwards in slow motion, then at least try to find that one healthy, blooming rose in the middle of your dreary desert. not all things and times were fully distressing. like anything in any aspect of your life, at one point you liked where you were and what you were doing. so what drastic situations cause us to head back into that downward spiral, when even recalling on it causes us to feel all of the same pain and torture of when you experienced it? is it seeing an old photo? maybe its catching up with an old friend. could it be driving by a specific part of town. if we just remind ourselves everyday by taking a few seconds of our greedy time wasting day

Relentless && Steadfast

I've been stressed to the MAX lately. I'm starting to open my store up and contemplate on having the grand opening in January. I have photographers booking me left and right. So in another sense I'm stressing for good reasons. I'm happy to own my own business and venture forth into this world of deceit and money hungry colluders. As sarcastic as that sounds, I really am happy. Now when it comes to modeling I like to think I'm excelling. Different photographers have contrastive picturesque aspects that I enjoy dipping my toes into. If there were any moment in my life that I'd be positively proud to freeze frame for a moment so far it would be now. I have friends && family proclaiming their expressions of crow, and I appreciate it to the MAX. However what really counts is how proud I make myself. In this particular moment I'm more proud of myself than all the other times I have taken pride in my exploits. Whatever I get or have now I won't be able to take along with my when I pass into a world of love, and clouds of rhinestones, but while I am here I want to make the best and accomplish as many goals to ensure a stable future for myself and possible forthcoming family. I can only go as far as I will let myself. No matter what I do in this lifetime I'm going to have road blocks and speed bumps. I'm a Texas girl, I'll drive my big rig over them like they were a pothole. I ask my friends and family and even my fans to help lift me up and avail in prolonging my dreams. My dreams are not fantasies dancing around in my head any longer, I'm making them real. If I can come from nothing and make something then I know that if anyone tries hard enough they can do the same thing. It gets rough and there are times you want to quit, but if you want it bad enough and know you'll benefit in the long run than all you have to do is be persistent.





Buenos Noches my little chickens. I'll feed you another day.  =)

My Animateness Continues

When PawPaw use to say "When you find something worth having, keep it before it's too late or someone else will get it." I always thought he was talking about a car or dress, materialistic, but now I get it...he was not talking materialistic. We are all here a aphoristic amount of time. We should all try to find that partner, rather friend or other, to share the good times with and to cry to when there are bad times. Being ethological beings we have all sorts of emotions. Happy, Sad, Angry, Depressed, Overjoyed, Lonely and many more. If we suppress any of those emotions we kill ourselves. No one should be afraid to express any feelings or thoughts. Not only is it unhealthy but it's suicide. If we bottle up every feeling we've ever had we may just erupt one day and no one will know why. Never be afraid of the words in your thoughts. They may save your life. Some of the things we feel may hurt others feelings, they may make someone happy, they may even cause world peace or world destruction. But you will never know if you keep yourself within yourself. Let yourself be yourself. Don't let anyone intimidate you into doing something you're not willing for. Live YOUR life the way YOU want to. Say what you feel, Be who you are, Love who you Love. The rest is for the birds.

Buenos Noches my little chicken stalkers. Till I feed you again.

Influence Yourself, Obliterate Your Previous

It's amazing how some feel when they get a huge blast from the past. Then they start to question all of their past. Then they feel all of and any of the pain that had ever felt in their lifetime up to that point. A chain reaction. from one pain straight to the next. You try to put life on pause but it just won't stop. Then skip a minute and try to pretend to those on the outside that you've never been lied to, never been hurt, that you've never felt the sting of disappointment. A lot of people out there walk around with these artificial smiles pasted right below there nose's. However those on the outside can't hear the agonizing depths of tortured screams, and the ticking time bombs waiting to detonate. And all of that was just a chain reaction from that one buried, tormented memory that had suddenly resurfaced itself and planted a little seed in our heads to blossom into a plant of grief and destruction. No matter what shows up, no matter what nightmares we have, we should always remember that we control what happens from that point on. No matter how badly we think we have it at that seemingly never ending time, we should always prevail and know that we ourselves can make it better. Life doesn't have to suck. We can all enjoy it, individually or together. No one can tell you how to live it, people may have suggestions or opinions. When it comes down to it, You are the one who grips the supremacy of your life. So direct it into the path you want, to your forever happiness.

Buenos Noches my little chicken Stalkers....I'll feed y'all another day.