Solitude??

Please, get off of me. You're like a second layer of skin that I can't shed. I don't want you suffocating me. Yet you have forgotten I exist. In the most part I've done the same. Show me a sign, or give me the smallest hint that you think of me. Apparently you speak my name, because your Ex is still messaging me, yet I have no reason to speak to that individual. Are you lost? In a world of confusion? Because I will not come find you to help you escape it. I have my own problems, worries and doubts, as everyone does. So with that said do you think I need your junk clouding mine? I'm unattached to you in every way, is that best? At times I feel so. Then again there's a yearning deep in my bones for more. Then again, I'm not 100% on what that yearning is. Maybe it's you, maybe it's the need of excitement, maybe I'm yearning to give myself and all of myself to someone that wants to give me all of them. Maybe in reality I'm the one that's in that world of confusion that needs to be rescued, saved, acknowledged. What if in my realm of which I believe is reality isn't. Could what I think are dreams in turn actually be life? And what I think life is could that in turn be my actual dreams? Solitude. Should I take it or leave it?

What's your True Color?

I can put a smile on my face and act as if everything is fine when I'm out and about. So that's me being fake. As everyone would think "Stormy? Being fake? NAahh." But when I step back and look at things....I am being fake. Lately my friends and family annoy me, yet I pretend nothing is wrong. I just can't seem to get genuinely happy about anything. All I want to do is be alone or be so messed up that I can't feel my face. Weird how it comes so easily to act like everything is GREAT when really I want to punch anyone in the mouth that looks at me much less speaks to me! If I didn't notice it till now how I can easily be something I'm not then when else was I not being true to myself? I think I'm TIRED of being the person everyone runs to when they need help, advice, or ANYTHING. Who can I run to? I sure as hell don't feel as if some of those people would have my back. I'm tired of giving all of me to everyone and losing in the end. I just want a piece of me that I can keep to myself. Does that make sense? In my head it does. I'm tired of putting up so much effort to make something work when in reality it will never work because the other person is just too distracted or they don't want it to work. So whats up? Whats fake and what's not? We all are. Until we show our true colors. What's your true color?

Moving fast, When nothing is moving

At night I see the world as not existent...everyone is asleep, like the world stops and I'm alone for a while...I can't sleep because as still as the world seems, my mind is 90mph to nothing. During the day time all I want to do is sleep so that I'm none existent. As much as a people person I am, lately I just want to be alone or at least not so smothered. I've lost most of my motivation to do the things I have to do, yet I've recently gained all of this motivation to do the things I've been saying I wanted to do but would never get around to it. Lately I feel artistic, and in need of exploring different things and broadening my senses to things I use to enjoy before money and greed took over. I feel proactive but want to be proactive in a different scene. I want to explore my options, get things done and enjoy the small stuff life has to offer.

The beginning of a public mind.

I've decided to start blogging. Everyone seems to always want to know exactly what I'm doing and what's on my mind all the time, so why ask when you can read? FAcebook is nice, but that's my social upbeat to connect with my friends. On my "Digital Diary" is where I dont connect with anyone but myself. It's nice to get things off your chest, mind and heart as well as being able to look back and see the changes of perspective I've made over time. So I hope whoever follows my diary will find it eye opening to what honesty is.