Kenneth

For startes I still love you and I miss you dearly. Things got so turned around. I wish you could see truth from dishonesty. I've always been loyal to you, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and hate myself for not picking up the phone and calling you. What would I say? What if I'm afraid of what you may say? If you said the tiniest thing turning me away I may just fall in to so many pieces that I would never be able to recover. I don't know how you feel. I've cut you out of my life but before so you were the only thing in my life that mattered. I can't stand the unknown of how you're doing. I cry sometimes when I'm alone because the distance physically and emotionally is so far apart. I never in a million years would think this would happen. Not to us. I full-heartedly thought we would always be together. I miss sitting with you, just the two of us as we joked, gossipped and spoke about life, religion, goals, family and plans. I steer away from the topic as I converse with anyone new in concern that I may have a full break down. I'm not happy in life if you're not in it. I have no idea what you may think or feel or if you miss me. If we never do reunite I want you to know that I love you. I've never cared about someones well being or someone period more than I care for you. I want to tell you all of the things that have been going on. I want you to know the goals I've set and the ones I've already accomplished. I want to hug you and smell the scent of tobacco and screwdrivers you normally vent. I want to hold your puffy hand as it keeps mine warm from always being so naturally cold. I want to cut your hair as we laugh and watch Judge Joe Brown. I miss styling your hair up in a mohawk even though you hated it. I even miss the nasty things like cleaning your facial pores and purging your back of blackheads. I miss waking up before you to make you some coffee and breakfast you never ate. Is your computer broken? Because as much of a headache it was for me all the time, I miss being able to fix it for you and being the hero. I miss looking in your dark eyes protected by your caterpillar eyebrows and telling you how handsome you are. I miss scratching your back. I just miss you and everything about you. I want you to take better care of yourself so that the possibility of a reunion is more likely. I wish I could hear you laugh, the laugh that comes from deep within your stomach and bounces your shoulders. I laugh at the image of you laying on the couch for your afternoon nap with your mouth wide open and your little scuttle when you walk. Remember the time you let the dogs out of the house and I came running to your rescue as you yelled "help! help!" and I as I turned the corner I couldn't help but burst out with tears and laughter as your back belt loop had gotten around the door handle and you couldn't move? Remember our short "road trips" in my convertible and you stylishly wearing your aviators feeling like a baller but always bitching about how difficult it was to get in and out of my car? I always ask about you. Your birthday was so hard for me. I wanted to call you, I wanted to come see you, but I was afraid. If I show up unannounced will I be turned away? There's so many bad influences in your dwelling and too many land mines that I do not want to tiptoe around. I don't want to see the others. I just want to see you. I want us back to where we were. So many unfortunate events have already taken place that no matter how hard we try things will never be the same. I don't know where to begin. Just know that you're always on my mind and how excruciating it is to miss you so much. I love you with everything I am and I always will.

Love,
     Puddin'

Hypnotic State

Your rapture has overcome me and I feel as if I've lost control. While struggling to maintain my typical day to day routine you triumph my every thought. If I wanted to go out for ice cream I find myself wondering what would be your favorite flavor. I can't focus directly on my own ambitions without speculating what yours may be. I see so much in you and want to push you to your limits of prosperity. I want to spiritually stimulate you and broaden your mind with every voiced perception I speak. I want to cheer you on in all your conquests. The dismiss of my own aspirations frighten me. How can I pursue my own dreams when all I want is to be your dream? How can someone barge into my life and make such an impact in such a short period of time? The conviction that fate has brought you to me makes me apprehensive to what I feel is authentic. With one glance from you my veins expand, amplifying the temperature of my blood. Pulses seize my tremors of sadness and replaces them with an abundance of pleasure each time you speak to me. The moment you separate from the grasp of my reach I feel alone. I've always felt so comfortable on my own and more so preferred to be alone, but now that I've felt the presence of your tranquilizing hold I finally feel the urgency for affection I'd been desiring. I do not want to touch anyone unless that someone is you. My body aches for you when you're gone. I cannot carry on hankering for you as I feel it will destroy my carefully sought out plans that were conjured before you existed to me. I'm elated you'd take such an interest in me and I'm thrilled I can call upon you, but what's to come if my dreams begin to transpire? What if they take me to new places where you do not reside? What if the current volume of attention I receive multiplies? Will you doubt my intentions, my conduct, or even my fidelity? I feel as if I know how you foresee me. Naturally, I doubt what I think I know and convince myself I am only feeling what I want to. What if what I feel is wrong? My mind has been clouded since you became relevant. If you become the message in the glass bottle that was cast in the oceans just for me to find then where does that leave my intentions? Hold me, tell me the answers. I do not believe you could ever tell a lie. Not to me. I think if you did then I would fall to pieces on the spot. I can not keep my composure when you're near. My refinement becomes corrupted as I can not help but come unglued in the presence of you. I hold my breath as you reach for me so that not even my body movement can belittle the touch I yearn to feel. Just the relationship we hold is already moving so rapidly that I want to abruptly put a halt to it. I do not want you to scare me away with the rate of how things are proceeding. I do not want to push you away with my skepticism. Communicate with your hands but let me hear the words your mouth will create. Tell me everything you think and feel. Write the page you want you to be cast on. Reduce your influence on me and my thoughts, as I want to keep most of myself that is apart from you. Remove your spell and let me make my own interpretation of us. Don't let up as I may slip away to never return. How can you keep me if I still want to keep myself? I want you, but I want me more. Can I have both? Take the reigns or let me lead myself. Either way free me of my uncertainty under the hypnotic state you've trapped me in.


Buenos Noches My little chickens.
I'll feed you another night.

Forever Favorite Flavor

Let your heart beg your brain to react and move into action. Feel the vibe my body emits as it welcomes your approach. Read me like you've never read anything in your life. Feel the chill bumps rise beneath your touch as you bring my skin to life. Color my cheeks flush with passion and adore the shy smile I'd dare hide. Kiss me deeply as I learn the stroke of your tongue. Set the rhythm I dance to as you cloud my mind of only thoughts of you. I want to be touched and caressed as I once had been before. Break me of my chastity and become my lover. Do not speak to me but speak to my heart and tell it the things that will quicken the beat. Hold me close as if I would float away if you removed a single finger. Wait for me as I undress slowly in front of you as your impulsiveness is hard to control. Admire my body before you conquer it's curves. I want you to put my nerves on end as if you possess the remote to my flex and release. Lay me down and assure me you only want to share our bodies and not just use mine. Test me. Find my sweet spots without a map but make your own and burn into your brain so you can always treasure my triggers. I want you to become enraged with endorphins as the intoxication of your natural ecstasy overwhelms you. Hurt me in the way I'll feel pleasure. Ignore my refusals and determine which are cries of inexperience. Teach me how to make you reach your pinnacle. Show me the ways I should do and take the reigns as you become my suitor. Encourage me to let out and let loose. I want to give in with no fear of being put out. Speak to me during a moment of indignation that will carry me high as I soar to new heights of animation. Put my needs first and find that yours will be reached before mine. Bite my ears softly as they will lead you to the inner side of my humanity. Lead me and I will follow you in trust that I'll not only be visible but featured in your eyes. Fantasize about me when I'm away and bring them to life when I'm yours. Appreciate what I give and accommodate what I want. Be mine as my body reacts to you. Be no one Else's as no other could dream to compare what I am to you. Forget any lover you've ever tasted and let me be your forever favorite flavor.

Buenos Noches my little chickens.
I'll feed you another time.