Relentless && Steadfast

I've been stressed to the MAX lately. I'm starting to open my store up and contemplate on having the grand opening in January. I have photographers booking me left and right. So in another sense I'm stressing for good reasons. I'm happy to own my own business and venture forth into this world of deceit and money hungry colluders. As sarcastic as that sounds, I really am happy. Now when it comes to modeling I like to think I'm excelling. Different photographers have contrastive picturesque aspects that I enjoy dipping my toes into. If there were any moment in my life that I'd be positively proud to freeze frame for a moment so far it would be now. I have friends && family proclaiming their expressions of crow, and I appreciate it to the MAX. However what really counts is how proud I make myself. In this particular moment I'm more proud of myself than all the other times I have taken pride in my exploits. Whatever I get or have now I won't be able to take along with my when I pass into a world of love, and clouds of rhinestones, but while I am here I want to make the best and accomplish as many goals to ensure a stable future for myself and possible forthcoming family. I can only go as far as I will let myself. No matter what I do in this lifetime I'm going to have road blocks and speed bumps. I'm a Texas girl, I'll drive my big rig over them like they were a pothole. I ask my friends and family and even my fans to help lift me up and avail in prolonging my dreams. My dreams are not fantasies dancing around in my head any longer, I'm making them real. If I can come from nothing and make something then I know that if anyone tries hard enough they can do the same thing. It gets rough and there are times you want to quit, but if you want it bad enough and know you'll benefit in the long run than all you have to do is be persistent.





Buenos Noches my little chickens. I'll feed you another day.  =)

My Animateness Continues

When PawPaw use to say "When you find something worth having, keep it before it's too late or someone else will get it." I always thought he was talking about a car or dress, materialistic, but now I get it...he was not talking materialistic. We are all here a aphoristic amount of time. We should all try to find that partner, rather friend or other, to share the good times with and to cry to when there are bad times. Being ethological beings we have all sorts of emotions. Happy, Sad, Angry, Depressed, Overjoyed, Lonely and many more. If we suppress any of those emotions we kill ourselves. No one should be afraid to express any feelings or thoughts. Not only is it unhealthy but it's suicide. If we bottle up every feeling we've ever had we may just erupt one day and no one will know why. Never be afraid of the words in your thoughts. They may save your life. Some of the things we feel may hurt others feelings, they may make someone happy, they may even cause world peace or world destruction. But you will never know if you keep yourself within yourself. Let yourself be yourself. Don't let anyone intimidate you into doing something you're not willing for. Live YOUR life the way YOU want to. Say what you feel, Be who you are, Love who you Love. The rest is for the birds.

Buenos Noches my little chicken stalkers. Till I feed you again.

Influence Yourself, Obliterate Your Previous

It's amazing how some feel when they get a huge blast from the past. Then they start to question all of their past. Then they feel all of and any of the pain that had ever felt in their lifetime up to that point. A chain reaction. from one pain straight to the next. You try to put life on pause but it just won't stop. Then skip a minute and try to pretend to those on the outside that you've never been lied to, never been hurt, that you've never felt the sting of disappointment. A lot of people out there walk around with these artificial smiles pasted right below there nose's. However those on the outside can't hear the agonizing depths of tortured screams, and the ticking time bombs waiting to detonate. And all of that was just a chain reaction from that one buried, tormented memory that had suddenly resurfaced itself and planted a little seed in our heads to blossom into a plant of grief and destruction. No matter what shows up, no matter what nightmares we have, we should always remember that we control what happens from that point on. No matter how badly we think we have it at that seemingly never ending time, we should always prevail and know that we ourselves can make it better. Life doesn't have to suck. We can all enjoy it, individually or together. No one can tell you how to live it, people may have suggestions or opinions. When it comes down to it, You are the one who grips the supremacy of your life. So direct it into the path you want, to your forever happiness.

Buenos Noches my little chicken Stalkers....I'll feed y'all another day.

Irrecoverable

I've taken quite a disjunction in my blogging. Of late I've been sort of diverted as I keep going off into my own world, like "zoning out" or "swooned." Nothing has been able to pull me back, or inspire me. My mind goes back and forth like the waves of an abashing ocean. I need an anchor. Someone or something to keep me planted in a life of reality and responsibility, yet I feel like my planting has been reaped and I'm floating aimlessly in the air in prayers that I don't unearth a gust of wind. If someone were to sit with me over 5 minutes at a time you can visually see the blank and emptiness in my eyes as my face loses character and expression as if at an abandoned hotel where the lights remain on, however there is no one there. I can't conclude what it is that keeps bringing me into this world of non-existent, but I desperately need to find a way to make it stop.  I don't as myself nor do I feel adequate. Someone pull into this world and lock me up with your chains to keep me here.


Till next time my lil' stalkers I will feed you chickens later. Buenos Noches 

There's a thousand YOU's...but there's only ONE ME.

Why does it baffle so many people that I can stay SO single? Nearly every man I meet wants to take me out or further a relationship with me, but I;m just not interested. Why's that? Why does my PawPaw ask me all the time consistently, constantly why I don't date and says I will never get married and am destined to be alone the rest of my life. Why is it so easy for me to conversate with a good looking man yet have no interest in wanting to get to know him more?
Here's my reason: They're all the same. 1st date we'll go out for dinner & a movie, you won't get anything more than a hug and smile and a genuine "Thank you" afterwards. Then we might go on a2nd date and you will tell me how baffled you are of my smile and how "cool" and "down to earth" I am. We'll kiss at the end of our 2nd date. Then for our 3rd date you'll invite me to come over and "watch a movie" while tempting to make moves on me and try to get me to stay over. You won't succeed in getting me in your bed, then I'll leave and 3 days later you'll text me asking me something like "how are you doing?" and I'll reply with good, then you won't have anything else in the holster to text so that will be the end of our conversation. The next time we talk will be because we bumped into one another at a bar or a grocery store, we'll do the awkward "hey how ya been? Oh good good, just blah blah blah,,,well it was nice seeing you." Two days later you'll text me asking me out and I'll be "busy."
The reason I stay single is because there are a thousand YOU's....but there is only ONE ME. 
I don't want to date the same guy every time, and they indeed ARE all the same...I want to date a man that is un-like any other. Doesn't beat to the same drum, Doesn't play by everyone else's rules && wants to respect me and make me smile because he WANTS to...not because he wants to get in Victoria Secrets playhouse. I stay single because I don't want to be settled for, When guys want a hook-up they'll go to a girl that settles, but when a Man wants a wife to settle down with, he'll come to me.

Buenos Noches my lil' Stalkers. I'll feed you chickens later.