Old Friends, 8-Tracks & Hero's

Tonight, I spoke to an old friend of mine, the only person that has ever made me pray the hardest in my life. I'm glad to hear from him and happy to know he's doing alright.

Tonight, even though I'm sick as a dog, I'm going to paint, maybe sketch and write. I feel uplifted. Hopefully there is change coming forth. I have all these great ideas that I can't seem to put on paper. If only I could have a machine that would do it for me. Guess technology isn't that advanced yet.

With Halloween here and all the candy, sweets and sugar being passed out I'm jealous that I have no "sugar" of my own. One day soon enough I'll find that piece of candy that deserves to melt in my mouth and not in my hands as I melt his heart and not his dreams. Chivalry has died along with virginity, stove top popcorn and 8-tracks. This princess will not settle for anything less than a hero.


Buenos Noches my lil chickens. I'll feed ya again later.  =)

Drunk on NyQuil

I think I'm getting sick with this weather change. BUMMER. On a lighter note, I had a better Halloween than I did last year, my band is progressing, and we've decided to start documenting our progress as we go. I thought that was a great idea from Tim, our guitarist, that way in the future we have something to look back on. LAtely I haven't really felt like doing anything or seeing anyone. Everyone always wants to hang out the same time as everyone else, so then you feel torn between them and personally I can't choose so I'd rather stay home and paint my toes. hahaha... A congratulations is due for my older sister, Courtney, who is pregnant with her 2nd child. Her & I don't talk at all but I'm still happy for her and her husband. PawPaw won't leave me alone about dating....lol...I'm just not interested. I don't feel like having my time wasted and I know there's a VERY low possibility the "Right" guy is in the Golden Triangle. No offense, but the Golden Triangle is full of "Man-Boys" who think that playing the game is better than winning the prize. I'm not interested, nor will I ever be. I'm young and have plenty of time for that. Just living in the moment for now. Enjoying each day as it comes. Till I feed the chickens next time.  Buenos Noches, I'm going to go suck down some NyQuil.

World Peace?? A Possibility??

Ever feel like when you take two steps forward you end up getting knocked 6 back? Sometimes I feel like "Wow everything is perfect and going in the right direction, how lucky am I to have all this "Good" stuff happen to me all at once or at least back to back." Then BAM a sideways slam like someone just side-swiped you in a car accident. You start doing so wonderfully that others are just so mad about it. Either because they're in their "knocked back" stage or they're just so jealous that they don't want you to be in such a good mood. Ironic how whenever you're doing well for yourself that others wish "Dang, why can't that happen to me?" So thats when they decide that its not fair so they are going to try to bring you down, or sometimes they decide well I'm going to take advantage of your well being. What a shame that no matter what predicament people are in they can't get happy for others that are doing well. It's not hard to do so. Some wonder "why not me" when they should be thinking "that is going to be me, when I drop my drugs, my gossip, my self pittiness, when I straighten out my priorites, and strive to do better for myself." Come on people, we all talk about how we wish this world were a better place, it can be. It's going to start with a chain reaction. Just like how doing one good deed for someone could inspire someone else to do so for another. Ever seen Pay It Forward? Crazy how such a movie is actually the basic plan for world peace. I'm not striving for world peace, but is it completely crazy to think it were possible? Negative thoughts, and self sorrow, fake forgiveness', and turning your back on your neighbors is what is really stopping us from doing so. Love everyone, help as much as you can, because even if that person you love or help turns out to be a P.O.S...at least you know you did what you could. The motivation starts in your head, you can't force anyone to do the same but you can only show them that in helping others helps us all. Life is short to be wasted on hate, negativity, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and self pittiness. Let's live this life and make everyday better than the last all because making others happy in turn makes us happy.

Celibacy && Loneliness

So it's not so easy being celibate when no guy out there wants a girl that they can't get any from. However, I know that I'm worth waiting for and if there's a man willing to take the time to wait for it then he's likely to be the guy that deserves me. Sex gets in the way of getting to know an actual person and getting to know how the relationship can work for time to come. You can be in a relationship for 2 years and not even know a person because the relationship is based on sex and physical attractions. I want the physical attractions, the stimulating conversations, and the knowing a person and knowing that we love one another for one another not for what kind of pleasure we can give to one another. Yes in fact I do get lonely, and I want that cuddle time even though I'm not the cuddle type. Sometimes I want a kiss or to hold someone's hand walking through the mall or parking lot. However, I know what I'm worth, a Woman's Worth, and I deserve a man who will be there thick and thin. I shouldn't have to "give it up" in order to get or keep a man. No woman should. Men complain about how they can't find a good girl waah waah waah.....but girls are a lot more delicate, and sensitive, and insecure and just wants someone there so the get so desperate that they lower their morals. Not this girl. I'm a grown up and if a man can't wait with me and form a pure relationship based on each other and not based on sex then he's not mature enough for me nor neither anyways close to being on my level. I'd like to have a MAN kiss and touch THIS body, not an immature MAN-BOY that secretly thinks he his God's gift to women just because he has a penis. I'm glad I aired this out. Hopefully for some of you ladies out there this will be a reality check for you in what you're actually doing. These MAN-Boys don't respect you and in reality they talk about you and your sex lives when you're not around...trust me...I was the only girl growing up in my family....I was raised with a damn football team AND those football teams members. GROW UP LADIES.

Short Story

I had a lame day at work, but band practice made it better. I'm feeling inspired and I can feel my business savvy pulling out. So excited for what's to come. WAY too tired to blog tonight...catch y'all up tomorrow.  =)  Night lil Chickens. 

To my Stalkers...

I love that I have subscribers on my FB....I love that no matter what I'm doing everyone MUST know whats up. That's fine with me, however, I don't think I'm going to be posting my blog on my facebook any longer. My blog will still be open to the public but I see no need in posting it on my facebook every time I blog. Just remember though you can sub my blog. I can feel more detailed, more interesting blogs coming in the near future. So feel free to subscribe to my Digital Diary tonight. Remember if you don't want me to know that you're one of my stalkers, it's not like you have to use your real name on the sub name field. Don't take me calling you a stalker in a bad way, because in all honesty I love every single one of you guys.  =)  Thanks for Stalking me, you're what keeps me smiling everyday just because I know that not only I but you love my life.  =)   lol  Buenos Noches to my fans.  friggin heart you guys.

WRONG Girl

Here I was today having a conversation with PawPaw, whom insist that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. As I thought back on past relationships and missed connections I've come to realize that I was never the problem. I'm THAT Girl, the one that is wifey, trophy, the best friend, the classy lady with the family, the wing-man with the guys, the one that baits her own hooks and cleans her own fish then batters and fries them, the girl that shoots and skins her own deer, the girl that washes dishes, cooks meals, cleans and folds the laundry and house, works a full time job to bring in income, wants her "me time" and insist you have yours, trust like I've never been lied to, loves like its my first time, parties her socks off when we want to have one of those nights, wants to find a BIGGER mud puddle to mud in, is great with children, is an active member of church, would rather tell you that you're right every time we disagree just so that we don't argue, takes care of you when you're sick, runs errands when you're too busy to do so, and so so so much more. I'm basically a superwoman in a sense. It's not that I was I ever the wrong girl, in all honesty I'm every mans dream girl, truth is they were always the wrong guy.

Past Love

Today I realized that all the hurt I ever experienced should have always been expected. I don't regret any of my relationships. Just regret the pain I felt in the end of them. At one time in my relationship which ever one I want to recall, there was always a time that everything was right, pure, perfect. If anything I thank every person I was ever involved with because at one time they made me smile. If anyone I've ever been in a relationship with could recall, the only thing I ever asked for was for them to make me smile. So no matter how many times I've been cheated, left naked and vulnerable by the worst pain that can't be fixed with medication or surgery, I am still woman enough to be thankful for all my past failures. You can never learn how to love unless you love unconditionally. Those were my thoughts for the night. I hope everyone sleeps well. I figure I'll have a hard time sleeping tonight as I have a pretty big day tomorrow, besides work...pooo. hahaha Buenos Noches to my Digital Diary Stalkers.

The Beginning of the Same Story?

Don't you hate it when you're in the beginning of something? Hoping for one outcome but usually ending up with one off the wall that coincidentally seems to be the same predicament you had already been in? Yea...me too. This could be the beginning of a non-decent friendship, or possibly the same relationship I've already had time and time before which obviously didn't work. More than likely the statistics are against the "Knight in shining armor" coming around anytime soon. When you look back on past relationships you really blink hard and say "Wow, why didn't I see this before? Why didn't I notice the direction this was going?" Turns out reminiscing on past failed relationships you really realize that every single one of them were exactly the same as the previous failed relationship. So bother should you? I'm not one to ask "What If?" Then again I'm also not one to have my time wasted. All I can say is that it turns out to be so Complex that it's simple.