The "My" in Myself

I've lived many lives in just my short period of time already. I can't say that I have found what I'm looking for yet and only in the reason that I don't even know what I'm looking for, yet. How can I know it's exactly what I'm looking for before I find it? Think of your favorite flavor of ice cream or candy.... Before you had tasted that flavor, ever... You didn't know that what you were about to taste would then be your favorite flavor from then on.. Am I right? Right. So that's how my perspective is in one of it's crazy ways.. On life. I can't commit to anything because I'm not sure if the next thing would have been something I'd want to commit more to yet. Then again, if I even had a second thought of what may be then I wasn't ever going to be committed as much as I can. Now if that hasn't confused you yet and you're still with me I'm going on a trip and it may have some loopty loos. Different things make you feel different. In example if you're wearing tennis shoes, you may feel more energetic or active; Whereas, in house slippers, you're slower and maybe lazy. Or even for instance, smells. If you smell lavender you may feel relaxed; if you smell mint you may feel refreshed. Just like different places make us feel different. I'm the type of person who wants to take as much into consideration as I possibly can to make my ultimate best decision. I want to love everything in life before love suffocates my life. I can find contentment in nearly any situation I face and stones are thrown upon me in my ability to do so. I'm always going to want more or different until I find my more, my most, my nothing else. My faith in finding my checkered flag overwhelms me at times..but we wouldn't know that a checkered flag existed if we didn't already know what a checkered flag was. I'm my own role model. I'm always as optimistic as I need to be. I don't like controversial topics, because if we all had the same opinions on everything then we'd be robots... I'm always going to be myself, I may change perspective or belief over time as well, but I'm still me. My changes make the "My" in Myself. Then again what do I know....see ya on the flip side, I'm going to go press play on this life of mine.


  Buenos Noches Little Chickens ..

Cracking The Seal

Since the day I packed my things and blew out of that house like a tornado blows through a corn field, I've missed you. All day and all night I can't get you off my mind. I keep replaying from start to end our journey together and by far the good times out weigh the bad. I cant help but feel sorrow now that I'm no longer there. I miss you like a candle misses the flame. I'm sorry if I ever broke your heart. Mine was in pieces. I still havent patched it together. You've always been my number 1 and for our relationship to do a complete 360 just rips my heart to shreds. I'd rather have a bullet to my brain or a razor to my wrist than to miss you everyday like I do. I wish I could call you and make sure your ok. Just even a hello would make my day. But I can't. I can't because when I left we weren't speaking. The image of your face burns in my mind. I could see hate, sorrow and sadness floating in the vodka filled eyes you seemed to look through me with. Release me. Call me. Erase the memory of our fall out or erase the memory of me all together. Ill always love you. Ill always be the one who cares most even if I pretend I don't care at all. You'll always be the light in my hallway. Lighting the path to which ever door I want to open in life rather you know it or not. You've always been my motivation. You've always been my heart. I fear that I can't do much more in life after you depart into the unknown where our faith and will is tested seeing as how I can't do anything without you. As a God fearing woman with no specific beliefs in religion I pray for you. I pray your lasting time is spent with no further regrets, heartaches, strains, troubles or disappointments. You may believe I should be the first to commence in the breaking of the ice but I fore warn you that if anyone should at this time then it should be you to do so for my strength and weight are not up to par for breaking anything other than the seal of on 89 merlot. In no way am I claiming you should be the first one to come forth first but instead enlightening you that if that's what you're waiting on then I can only hope you're not holding your breath. I make my own decisions and stand by whatever I may choose to decide. I'm traveling this world and seeing as much and meeting as many and doing whatever I can before I let life trap me into the commitments of permanent responsobilities. My place is not at home but who's to say it won't ever be one day? At this time I take my optimism to a whole new level by taking the traumatic confrontation that still hangs it's hat in your home by embracing the no strings, clean break it has presented to me. I'll carry you in my heart but only as a whisperred secret that is not to be spoken of until we speak to one another again. Days,weeks, months or even years it may take. Then again, the possibilitly of never could rear it's ugly head. You take the time you need while giving me the time I need for myself. I'll see you on the shores of Heart's Desire if our time expires too soon. Buenos Noches my little chickens until I feed you another night. :)

Mi Amor Distraccion, Alejandro

Have you ever experienced a 24 hour love bug? Have you ever met someone you find irrestibly attractive and spent a whole straight 24 hours with them as they knock item by item off your "I want this in a person" list? I fell deeply and madly in love on a greyhound from Texas to California. He was Alejandro from Equador. By under that title alone I imagine him in one of my Nora Roberts romance novels. Alejandro from Equador...goosebumps. When I think of Alejandro from Equador I invision him galloping on a white steed right on the edge of where the ocean meets the beach. Barely letting his horse come to a complete stop as he jumps down towards me like I'm a fountain of fresh water and he hadn't had a drop in 2 weeks. Rushing to me to drink from my lips and replenish my own thirst with his mouth to my neck, breast and then quinching his thirst on the never ending heat he creates from between my thighs. Right there on the beach in the openness for any passer by to accidently stumble upon, sun tanning our entangled, sandy bodies as we roll into the foaming tide. Then I snap back to reality from my day dreaming and realize he just asked me a question about the conversation we were having that I wasn't hearing thanks to his white horse ride up in my mind and the picture of him in a white button up sheer from the salt water and stained from the soft sand we made mud of. His hair hanging front his brow dripping sea drops in my open moaning throat. Oh dear, there I go again, stay focused Stormy, he's talking to you! He was so easy to converse with. Fun to disagree with. Open to a joke. I mean this guy was knocking numbers off my list left and right. Talk about throw me completely off track. So angry that I'm meeting the man straight from a romance novel while I'm on a greyhound, wearing spandex, with no makeup and this ride is 2 days.... Frekkin awesome.. If this guy thinks I'm hot now..he would mess his britches if he seen me all done up! Right ladies? So wrong. He made me feel like the sexiest woman on earth! He praised my paint free face and my blood boiled. I never wanted to bend over backwards to look so pretty for a guy in my life. The fact that he felt I looked my sexiest nude...faced,nude faced (lol) made me want to punch every other man in the world in their penis. At one point we get off the bus for a greyhound break and as he holds his hand out to escort me off the bus I glaze over. I see him holding his hand out to me, dressed all suave in a black tux, leading me through a high class event to the quiet star lit outside balcony. Chivalrously removing his tux jacket to place around my cold, hold me body. Locking his deep, dark eyes with mine, never breaking the trance he holds me under. Then I lose all sense of gravity as we participate in the longest, sweetest, steamiest make out sessions above the dumbfound pedestrians walking along the dimmly lit streets below. Then I nearly trip over my own feet off the bus because in my 5 second fantasy flash I was in heels and on a balcony when in reality I'm wearing tennis shoes and on the steps of a greyhound holding the exiting line up while I'm off in dreamland. One of our stops was a Wendy's and when we ate together I forgot what he was saying because all I could imagine was him and I in a fancy, high class restaurant so hungry for one another and not the plates we had ordered as he stands up and rips the cloth from the table. Plates of food and wine glasses of red crash down to the floor making a loud collision noise and then he crashes into me. Right there on the table infront of all the rich, sophisticated, ass in their heads consumers. Back on the bus I see him lay across the seats, tired but restlesz and I dream of running through a field of sunflowers and lazily laying at their roots in Alejandro's arms. Knocking the petals off the sunflowers closest to us by teasing one another of satisfaction. Then he shows me a photo of his toddler brother and instead of seeing him as someone's brother I saw him as a father. Even more sexy than the thoughts I had earlier. Playing catch outside as I mow the lawn or just seeing him from behind as he'd tuck a toddler in to bed, his broad shoulders caving over the crib, his perfect tush flexing with his thighs keeping him in balance. So many more fantasies that ran wild within my mind during our 24 hours of romance. At the stop before his last, he changed his clothes and when I tried to notice what he changed into all I could picture was him and I in an outside garden tub. I can almost smell the scent of honeysuckle almond as I wish I could bathe his spanish skin. Being pulled in fully dressed and the delicate way he would peel the drenched, skin sticking garments is what I hope would take place. I want to make him feel like everyday is his birthday. In a trance of romance and lust and eagerness I pour out and want to do his laundry when he is away just so I can imagine him in each individual article of clothing. I'd imagine I may also try to picture him wearing just the dryer sheet.. Stop it Stormy! Tell him you like his hat. Get in the NOW gurl! The NOW!! Oh Alejandro from Equador, you'd be the worse distraction for me yet and I don't want to focus on anything but you. Release me from this impression you've left on me. One day I hope to have my Alejandro from Equador. Till then I'll always have the greyhound...and his green hoodie he left with me that smells of his brute manly cologne with a hint of fiction. Buenos Noches my little chickens..

DIY: Cupcake Displays

So I became a fan of Pinterest and I like to think of myself as "crafty." So my best-friend was having a bouncing baby girl and I decided to be creative and make my own cupcake displays. Hope they come in handy!

 First get your materials ready.

Glue gun
glue sticks
your choice of ribbin
spray paint
scissors
pack of doily lace papers
Stand: I used paper rolls for my stands but you can use
anything as long as it's sturdy and will hold each plate.
Lids: I used stove covers, but any kind of flat, plate-like surface will work.

Spray paint your lids. As they dry, wrap your stand pieces with your ribbon and glue the ribbon down. Next glue the corners of your doilies to the plates. I found it easier to work my way from top to bottom by laying the top plate flat and level and gluing my top stand in the center. Then lay your middle plate right side down and glue the open side of your top stand to it. Laying the two levels right side down, glue your bottom stand in the middle of the bottom of your middle plate. Lay your bottom plate right side up and glue the open end of the bottom stand in the middle. Tah-Dah! You're done!

X Rated Date

I step out from the powder room and as I expect to find you sitting or standing waiting on my return so we could visit and perhaps see a film; I find darkness. A rush of fear crowds my senses. A hand reaches out and turns me on my heels, covering my mouth and holding me close by the tight grip around my arm.  Time stops it seems as no movement is made for several moments. I can nearly hear my heart beating as it tries to escape my stiffened chest. I can feel the hint of warm air which I had assumed was your breath until you confirmed it by lowering closer to me. Your hot moist breath burning my neck made me less tense as it felt like it were warming my entire body. You kiss my neck softly as you remove your hand from my mouth. My fear vanished and was replaced with excitement. The now free hand then trails itself to the hem of my dress then follows its thumb as it gently crawled up my inner thigh. A light brush of the longer fingertips on my panties sends a pulse through my body and my heat rises as you press my face against the wall. The hand firmly planted on my hip bone is now holding me steady as you grind your denim imprisoned passion between my cheeks. Letting go of my arm you begin to zip my dress down revealing each Arabic symbol. The red dress that I paraded around for you falls in a halo around my feet. As you plant one hand to grip my shoulder I feel the hustle of your knuckles unfastening your jeans. You slide them off along with your boxer briefs in one motion, kick them back and swiftly swing me around slamming me, back against the wall. You press your hard body against me; flesh burning flesh. We kissed as if our mouths were starving one another then you kissed and licked down from my lips to my panties. Slowly you slide them off when all a sudden your hands leave my body. For a few moments I stood there, blind and hot, naked in the dark and I can't feel your presence. With one startling move you swoop your arms around my tiny frame, grip a cheek with each hand and lift me into your embrace wrapping my legs around your waist. My lips swell from the intensity of our make out as you full force no warning introduce your passion into me. I hear a moan escape you that was caused from the pleasure of entry and the pain of my nails that clung into you. I keep my balance by holding your shoulders as my back stings raw from the friction against the wall. You carry me to the bed and as you slide me down I feel your kisses flowing down my stomach to my hips and then to my inner thighs were you made a playground for your teeth. You lightly bite me, some leaving bruises, then you tickle my fancy by pleasuring me. Right as I'm so close to reaching my Royal O you stop and thrust your manhood between my thighs and flip me straddling you. Guiding my hips back and forth your hands grip my hip bones one trailing up to caress my breast every so often. Our pace quickens as moans and deep breathes fill the room. Simultaneously ecstasy shoots from our insides as I arch my back, clenching my pelvic muscles and you dig your nails into each cheek sending vibrations of colors through my veins. I come back to reality, lean down and sweep soft kisses upon your chest. Drained and tired and smoldering with endorphins, I roll over to lay beside you in now tussled bedding. With no support of the pillows that are spread across the floor I turn my head to gaze into your eyes, Glazed over starring back at me you kiss me on the forehead and whisper sweet words to me. I respond with a warm smile and say "Now go fix me a sandwich." 

Buenos Noches my little chickens! Till I feed you another time!

My Vegas Testimony: Sex Slave Scam

Recently I've landed a job for TFC USA as a personal assistant with the freedom to continue my modeling. I was to be trained in Las Vegas for two months while studying my finance books for my financing license. My pay was $35 an hr, housing (hotel)and food was paid for. then I was to re-locate to Atlanta, Georgia to the corporate office. Too good to be true? Indeed it was. I flew over to Vegas with my life packed in my luggage to begin a new chapter. Before I had left I checked out every possible detail of this job and even my mother spoke with my "boss" and gave me the thumbs up. Upon my arrival my new "boss" greats me at baggage claim. An African-American who severely needed a haircut, dressed in a black, suede jogging suit and tennis shoes paired with a striped polo shirt. Not the image I had expected in meeting my new "boss" that would be paying me $35 an hour and is supposedly banking being the owner of this million dollar company. He explained to me he had lost his wallet with all of his credit cards, cash and identification when I asked for his I.D. to send a photo of it home. That should have been my first sign. As my mother has always said to me, "You're too trusting StormyGayle and one day it will bite you in the butt." And I was. I gave this man the benefit of the doubt and understood that people sometimes lose their wallets. He asked me for the money in my wallet and I then explained that I had to spend my cash on my luggage to fly with me and how expensive airports food and drinks were. In other words, no dude, you're supposed to be MY boss, paying ME. There was my second sign that I over looked. He declared we'd have to say at the airport till morning until we could go to a western union to pick up some money. I asked how so if he didn't have an I.D. and he replied with I told them to send it in your name. Again I understand he had lost his wallet along with his I.D. to I overlooked that as well. If someone had owned a company and were paying for all of my expenses along with $35 an hour couldn't they just call their office and have a car sent over? Or even one of his employees to be there to get us? There's my fourth sign I missed. After sitting in the airport for a while, I complained about how exhausted I was from my traveling and couldn't wait to get to my hotel "The Gold Spike." Then my job description changed and I realized I was now a victim of a sex slave scam. Terrance Douglas, my new boss, then said "Well how tired are you? We can go make some money right now, we're in Vegas, men come here to party, gamble, and have sex. If you see 10 men in one day and charge them $$ for an hour than you'll have this amount of money in this amount of days." BAM! PawPaw flashed in my head along with images of my family and friends over the years, images of my loved ones searching for me, images of my loved ones crying over the mangled remains of my sold, used body. I played it cool, no matter how horrible the thoughts were in my head and how much I was freaking out on the inside, I remained cool, calm and collected. I excused myself leaving my luggage and taking my purse and phone with me to the ladies room. I called home to my mother and explained to her what was going on, to call Dad and tell him because I was leaving the ladies room and returning to my baggage and not trying to raise suspicion. Terrance Douglas was not the person I thought he was so I did not know how he would react if I didn't play along until finding my safest exit. I returned to our seats and my Dad called. He was freaking out telling me to get the hell away from him, to call the police and I was having a completely different conversation with him. "Ok Dad, I'll text you my license number for that paperwork so you can send it in for me" and hung up. Now I can only imagine what my parents are going through at this point and ignored it and put my phone on silent and ignored their calls while digging in my purse pretending to look for my I.D. when I told my new "boss" I thought I had dropped it and was going to the desk to see if anyone had turned it in. I approached the desk and spoke in a low voice for them to act normal, and as I explained to them what was going on and I needed them to call the police for me I lost it and the sting of the first tear smudged the picture perfect makeup I had applied before my flight in order to look my best for my new "boss." They called the police and he was arrested and during me filling out my report I read on the detectives notes the real name of my "boss." The man I knew as Terrance Douglas was actually Terrance Granberry. He had scammed me under the pretense that I was to have this badass job and he was really going to sell my body in Las Vegas. I'm so thankful I made it back home. I never have been more appreciative of waking in my own bed and seeing the loving faces of my family and friends and as irritated I use to get at my dogs, Jake & Jasmine, for licking me I am appreciative I get to have them love on me again. I hope my testimony and my story will help others see that it can happen to anyone. I feel embarrassed and ignorant, I know I shouldn't because that's how well put together the scam was, but normally I do. I never ever for a second thought I would ever be put in such a position in a million years, but it can happen to anyone. I hope some will learn from my story.

My Mr. Darcy

The soft melody the words form when I hear them escape your thoughts and conquer your lips. I feel them veil my brain and seep through my veins. Warming my tender, floral scented skin to the touch. So much that I needn't any other forms of "motivators." I close my eyes, envisioning you worship the pallet of my love with every teasing flick. I yearn to feel your long eyelashes lightly brush the moon-side of my natural breast as you trail kisses leaving imprints so that it will always remain familiar. I can almost feel your weight crushing the breath out of my lungs, causing my breath to become off pace. I dream of feeling the abrasiveness of your calloused, hard working hands grazing upon my open exposed persons. I begin to melt as if I can actually feel your hot breath moistening the base of my neck. Rise in the task with me as I let your name trail off from my throat and burn my lips as the sensations chatter my teeth. Give me the intensity of a bull in a china shop and the romance of Mr. Darcy. I soar to new heights and harder recoveries when you're in mind. I beg for release but I continue to climb higher into levels of overwhelming extents I'd only heard of. Taunting spells quake through out my blood stream. I begin to drown on the endorphins maximizing the flurries of pleasure you send shooting through me. My skin becomes taut and my muscles contract. I can feel the tickling through my neck and send fire to my ears. How I wish you were here to squeeze me during my moment of pure ecstasy. Grounding me and protecting me in my most vulnerable state. Molding into me and sharing the vibrating pulses shooting through me temple. I wish you could see me after my release has ended and my body tingles with hints of exhaustion. To have you smolder me while gazing into my dazed, heavy eyes as I'd lazily grin down at you. Blow whispers upon my fleshy landscapes creating the uprising of warmed goosebumps. But you're not here and I'm alone. So the fantasies of what I wish from you are still just so. Just my fantasies, The excitement of the unknown, making the juice worth the squeeze. Feed you chickens later.

Ms. JoAnne Wants World Peace

Tonight as I gazed upon the stars in my companionless attempt of my own harmony; I cried. I cried like a infant does when it's overtired and can't find relief in sleep. Saturday I drove 3 hours to Lufkin, Tx to do a beer tasting for Sam Adams. That morning I came in heat. I worked the three hours at the first location 12 to 3. I was not notified that my second location time had changed from its first scheduling for 3pm to 3:30pm. So I worked with what I had. My day consisted of driving the three hours to Lufkin; working 3hrs on my feet with no sitting priveledges from 12-3. Did I mention in heels? That was part of my uniform. Then working 3-6 at the second location, in heels, with no sitting priveledges. To my fortune the first location was so slow, not many clients were coming through. I took it upon myself to leave 30 minutes early, taking my time gathering my things and clearing with the locations manager. My back was killing me, my feet hated me and I had no midol. Ladies, I'm sure you can understand the torture I was going through. I stopped at a small depot called 'Lufkin BBQ' right next to my second location on Chestnut St. I sat in a booth worn out with a glisten of fresh perspiration veiling my face from the 3.4 seconds of humid heat I was exposed to from my car to the depot door. An older woman, about early to mid-50's, greeted me as my server and asked what I'd be having to drink. The seemingly cheerful and kind woman wrote down my answer of Dr. Pepper as she smiled and introduced herself as JoAnne. She scuttled off and I made a phone call home to check and see how my grandfather was doing, feeling, and letting him know how handsome he was that day. Joanne returned and politely sat my drink and straw infront of me along with two of the best biscuits I ever ate and scuttled off again giving me privacy and I suppose time to look at the menu. I ended my conversation on the phone with love and best regards and the thumbs up for a phone call any time of day or night, and begin to butter a biscuit. In no rush I sat trying to have a minute of rest and enjoyment during my time of uncomfort and finish my biscuit and sipped on my Dr. Pepper and never looked at the menu. JoAnne returns, "Are you ready to order ma'am?" I look at her and say "JoAnne, I'm going to spend no more than $7 here today, including tip. Rather you give me brilliant service or not I'm leaving $7 on this table because that's all I have with me. So with that being said I'll take whatever that will buy me and you can keep whatever's left." Now I'm no one to be shabby on a tip. If you give me good service, I'll leave a $20 tip, permitting it's in my budget of course. However I was short on cash, and had just filled up my gas tank and not depositted my checks in my bank account. So I was honest and not embarrassed. She brought me a sliced beef sandwhich with pickles and all the trimmings, a refill on my drink, and more biscuits in my basket. Just as genuine as anyone could be she smiled and small chatted on my business in Lufkin and then departed from my table. I finished eating one biscuit and like always, half the sandwhich then just ate the rest of the inside leaving the other half of bread to the side. I signaled JoAnne and asked for my bill and she replied with, "I took care of it." I disagreed of course and told her how thoughtful yet unneccisary it was and refused. She didn't back down and told me to pay it forward. I nearly froze in awe to that sentence. I thanked her a million times and stacked my plate and silverware just to be nice and left for my next location. The next 3 hours went by smoothly, there weren't many clients coming in and I just sat there and thought of Ms. JoAnne. I was s happy that I found another person in the world actively in the pursuit of world peace. <3 Before driving the three hours back home I stopped at an O'reilly's auto parts store to get some glass wipes to clean my inside windshield that I had accidently gotten armoral on while cleaning it the day before and saw a little boy. He was barefoot with his monster truck stick on tattoos and uneven ear to ear grin as he drooled over the hot wheels car toys. He asked his parents, who were buying quite a bit of money's worth of auto parts, if he could get one. I suppose they were his parents, and as his mother looked at his father I heard him say in his head that he hadn't enough money to spare from all the parts he was purchasing to fix their car. She turned her attention back to the little boy answering with a "No." There was a little red, two seater, convertible Hot Wheel for sale for $1.99 and I replayed the moment I saw that little boy in my head. I had just pulled up, tired, worn out from the day, dreading the three hour drive back home and exited my red, two seater, convertible sports car. He stood there staring at my car like it was a Lamborghini or Corvette, and it made me feel good. I grabbed that toy, let the cashier scan it, bought my wipes, grabbed my bag and approached the little boy and handed him that little car. He declared his gratitude and I told him to pay it forward, when you're nice to others, then others would be nice to you, and I left. Forget that I was crying earlier? I was crying because I was so happy that I get the opportunity to meet people like that all the time and only wished I could be as good hearted. Buenos Noches my Little Chickens. Till I feed you another day. =) </body></p></p>